Sometimes Knowing Takes Time: Leaving a Marriage Isn’t Simple

I’ve been seeing a lot of moms share how they became single moms.

Many say it was their choice, which is the same story for myself. But I don’t always see space for how long that knowing can take. How many chances get given. How much hope you carry before you finally set it down. Leaving a Marriage isn't that simple.

For me, realizing my marriage was beyond saving didn’t happen all at once. It took months. Maybe years. I kept telling myself we were just in a hard season. That once we got over this hurdle, things would feel better.

When we met, it felt like love at first sight. He was thoughtful. Gentle. On our first date, he brought toys for my dog and cat, and I remember thinking I was incredibly lucky.

But after we married, something shifted.

The expectations changed. The kindness thinned. I worked full time, carried most of the household work, and still felt like I was always falling short. Small things became reasons for anger. Apologies became routine — even when I wasn’t sure what I’d done wrong.

Over time, I started questioning my own memory. My own reactions. My own sanity.

I stayed because I hoped.

I stayed because I doubted myself.

I stayed because I thought love meant trying harder.

Pregnancy didn’t soften things. If anything, it made the cracks clearer. I remember crying, wondering if he loved me or our baby at all — and being told I was being ridiculous.

After Little S was born, I finally saw it without excuses. The tension. The anger. The way I was shrinking to keep the peace. I found myself thinking, did I want Little S to grow up thinking this was love?

That's when my instincts kicked in, they didn’t ask permission. I listened and I left.

It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t quick. And it wasn’t because I didn’t try.

Sometimes leaving isn’t about giving up.

It’s about believing yourself.

And sometimes the hardest part isn’t making the decision, it’s accepting that you’re allowed to make it at all.

If you’re still in the in-between - still wondering, still hoping - please know this: taking time doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human.

And when you’re ready, you’ll know.